obsessed, terrified, the idea of seeing someone that you knew intimately, seeing them in a bathing suit or without a shirt, knowing that your hands traveled down those exposed places, remembering that, and knowing you can never do it again, they are across a room, alone, with someone else, twenty feet away, maybe more, and you can feel their hips in your hands, your body knows exactly how theirs moves, but you will never feel it again, horrified, overwhelmed