I was standing proud
Holding my newborn in my arms
Looking around if someone was noticing me.
Look at me with this blanket wrapped wonder.
A bud to bloom in life.
I was, in away, a newborn too
No one had prepared me for this.
This feeling…..

When growing up nothing was to much for me.
That proud feeling never left.
I could sit and watch you from afar, thinking God has given me this wonderful human being, happy child.

Then gradually I saw a teenager developing. That came with up and downs.
Not mama’s little child anymore.
I saw you search your way through life
Thinking you knew it all.
Not listening anymore.
Saying,
how could I know better when it was a different time with things I myself didn’t grow up with.

Then bad news knocked on the  door. The unexpected.
The worst.

Mother, father in pain
While writing this I cry.
The proud of your life did something you can’t comprehend.
Very hard to accept. You still can’t understand how this was even possible.
In shock.

Know that this
doesn’t make you a bad parent. Did you fail your child?
Maybe, maybe not.
What happened can be the result of so many things.
When children become adults and doing their own thing,
are in bad company
you have no control over that.
Of course it is wrong and you’re disappointed and sad,
there could have been other solutions. But most things happen in the moment.
Your child failed you.
All your expectations were swept away in one slap.
Like a hurricane destroying everything you build.
It hurts so much….

You want to run away and towards at the same time
You want to yell and scream
and give comfort at the same time
Tell yourself everything is going to be alright.

What happened was wrong.
The parents are the first to acknowledge  that.
The first to feel the guilt.
And for what?
God forbid it doesn’t happen to you
So don’t judge.


Your child will always be your child. No matter what .
There can be a wall between you .
There can be bars separating you,
but the love
will always be there as will be the tears in the eyes and the pain inside.

Child,
Fruit of my womb.
The flower in my life.
No matter what.



Shell ✨🐚