I was stupid to think I'd last this long,
Actually manage to break a smile,
To laugh and be cheerful,
Be myself for once.
But it's all come rushing back to me
And has hit me in the face.
Black eye,
Bleeding nose,
Split lip
Reminds me of what happened last year
And now I feel an overwhelming urge
To just run out of the door
And into the road
And stay there.
To just lay against the icy tarmac
And not feel like my thoughts
Are suffocating me
And pulling me in different directions
Cut
Die
Get help
Don't tell anyone
Stupid
You need to talk
You'd be better off dead

I can't switch it all off,
Even when I sleep it haunts me in my dreams.
I'm drowning.