oh, lovely –

another of my ugly insecurities has come undone –

unraveling from my heart, tumbling across the space between us,

ungainly in its amble towards your feet.

if i’m sorry, will that be too little? if i perform an even bigger act of affection

(not always only for compensation)

will that be too much?

was it too much the last time?

as you watch me scramble for words, for explanations,

for comprehension of my own actions,

are you sick of me?

does it make your stomach turn to see my flaws? it sure does make mine.

i can’t tell you 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 without lying

that 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦, 𝘪 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥.

anyway, would you like some tea while we watch this show?

this tragedy of errors on an endless timeline?

anything else to make your experience better?

am i condescending when i ask for concern? is it fun to battle my quiet anger with your quiet neglect?

i’m sorry, maybe i assume too much. actually, i’m sure i do.

it’s so humiliating to find meaning in everything even when i know better.

oh, lovely –

yet another insecurity.