I open the window So I don’t suffocate But the air doesn’t reach my lungs As I try to count my breaths
Monday I came in to see you For the last time. The last time.
And I never said goodbye.
Wednesday I took a test. Back at school and then went home. I don’t remember anything Beside the PSAT and the moment you were gone from me. I remember it was 9.
Dad in the hall Bedroom door opens “I’m home” (the last time I believe in miracles as delusion and hope burn all sense of reason). Is she with you?
“Where’s Mom?”
“She’s Gone.”
Black. Repeat.
I remember how everything got worse from then. It doesn’t get better You get used to it. You get used to cold, Just the absence of heat. You get used to the holes when they become a part of you.
I don’t remember forgetting. Your face gets fuzzy. I conjure up your voice but I lost your laugh. I can’t hold on to everything that’s flying away from me In a thousand different directions And when someone asked me last week, I can’t remember your favorite food, It’s been viciously consumed by the hunger of time.
I remember the look on your dad’s face- This is what I remember most- The look as he stared at you With silent tears And the face of a man, A veteran of war, Who was never prepared for the devastation of life As he is told his daughter will die. She will die slowly. And he can’t save her, But he can watch As the life drains out of her.
I gasp for air uncontrollably Leaning my head out the window. As I am stuck remembering Memories block air from reaching my lungs. Stuck on repeat Spinning spinning spinning And it’s been two years.
As of today it's now been five years, but I thought I'd share this one from three years ago.