I'm my mother's daughter
It's in my genes to cry
The littlest things set me off
When I was in third grade
I cried at my standardized writing test
It wasn't hard, I was just stuck
I love writing
I'm good at it
I always have been
But I couldn't handle the pressure to write well
That my entire life was based on my grades
and how well I scored on tests
And wrote about a three page story
I cry when I'm frustrated
When I could do a math problem on my homework
When I couldn't remember simple biology questions
But I did well on the tests
So they assumed I was fine
I assumed I was fine
How could I not be fine, I did well
I was talented
I was skilled
And I was doing well
My life was too good for me to be upset
I had to reason to be upset
And no one realized I might no be ok
Until I stopped eating and lost 15 pounds
But even then I told myself I was fine
I was eating less because I was doing less
I wasn't using as much energy so I wasn't eating full meals
I only at a tiny portion of my already small plate
But I was eating so I was fine
I moved out and started school, fully online
I was lonely
But I had my roommates
So I was fine
I couldn't bring myself to go to the class I thought I would love
I was failing a class
I was doing nothing to fix it
I was starting to hate writing and reading
But I had a plan to leave my major
So I was fine
I failed my first college class
But everyone gets one mistake
Everyone screws up once
It was during covid
Everyone is struggling
So I was fine
Everyone else is fine
So I am fine
And I keep telling myself that
In hopes that one day it'll be true
I am Fine