Michael, why are you playing so f-king hard to get? I etched my number into your car, so you won't forget it. I stalked you day and night just to prove my undying interest. Did you get the shower pix of you, I intend to post on Pinterest? I climbed in through your skylight twice, I bet you didn’t know. I hid in your workplace mensroom, but alas you never showed. Michael dear, I’m getting vexed, didn’t you see my million texts? I know that you’ve been busy - that relationships aren’t always easy. Michael, don’t be capricious, satisfy my sordid misses. You simply have to wave to me - I’m out here in the bushes.