there stood the queen in her dressing gown
upon her face she wore a very long frown
someone had stolen her diamond and ruby crown
she hoped it would be found before sun down

she called Scotland Yard to search the entire realm's locale
as without a crown she'd be an unadorned gal
chief inspector Jones arrived at Buck House in his ex-army jeep
telling the queen that he'd catch the theiving creep

he thoroughly combed every inch of England
he even looked under the white Dover sand
a lady in central Manchester gave him an address
stating that a felon in Soho had the crown of queen Bess

high and low in the streets of Soho he did look
to find this most stealthiest pilfering crook
by a measure of luck he found him sitting on a park bench
talking to a criminal associate named Roger Dench

the inspector siezed the felon and cuffed his hands
saying that looting wouldn't be tolerated on British lands
at Scotland Yard the crook was grilled for information
about the queen's crown which was pinched without hestitaion

some three days later he fronted an Old Bailey judge
who sentenced him to sixteen years of gaol drudge
overjoyed was the queen to have her crown back
whereupon she wore it around the Ascot Race track

chief inspector Jones was knighted by good queen Bess
cause he'd been a fine detective of profess