I need a freedom from cynicism from male chauvinism embracing a softer masculine an absence of sexism and an embrace of a different manly-ism one seen through a more unmanly prism a less than bearing the whole weight of the family and more like living as a 'we' community not necessarily a man that's handy but one who is able to more gently lead by an example that's differently fully compassionately, unmanfully me.