Horris:
When I was a lad I started a term
As junior clerk to a consultancy firm
But after four days, could work no more
So when no-one looked, I skipped to the door.

Chorus:
When no-one looked, he skipped to the door.

Horris:
I skipped that day with a step so free
That now I am Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Chorus:
He skipped that day with a step so free
That now he is Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Horris:
Through high connections of my family
I was given the post o' graduate trainee.
I wrote an article inventing a quote
And attributed it in earnest to a historian of note.

Chorus:
He attributed it in earnest to a historian of note.

Horris:
I lied so well, they rewarded me,
That now I am Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Chorus:
He lied so well, they rewarded he,
That now he is the Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Horris:
In being such a *** I made such a name
That a leading writer I soon became;
I wore scuffed collars and a hand-me-down suit
For the pass examination at the Institute.

Chorus:
For the pass examination at the Institute.

Horris:
That pass examination did so well for me,
That now I'm Prime Minister of this country!

Chorus:
That pass examination did so well for he,
That now he is Prime Minister of this country!

Horris:
Of journalism I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the partnership.
I used expletives when i got angry
And was accused of racism 'n bigotry

Chorus:
He was accused of racism 'n bigotry.

Horris:
But that kind of tree so suited me,
That now I am the Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Chorus:
That kind of tree so suited he,
That now he's the Head of the Queen's Ministry!

Horris:
I grew so rich that I was bent
to become a member of Parliament.
I was always schmoozing for my party's call,
And never thought of thinking for myself at all.

Chorus:
He never thought of thinking for himself at all.

Horris:
I thought so little, they rewarded me
By making me Head of the Conservative Party!

Chorus:
He thought so little, they rewarded he
By making him Head of the Conservative Party!

Horris:
Now young and old, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
[If your soul isn't fettered to keeping to the facts,
'N you're prepared to engage in questionable acts,]
If you've got few morals and can always keep your cool.
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule.

Chorus:
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule.

Horris:
Just ride roughshod over all 'n sundry,
And you all may be Heads of the Queen's Tories!

Chorus:
Just ride roughshod over all 'n sundry,
And you all may be Heads of the Queen's Tories!