Why does it feel as though happiness
is unattainable for me?
Unreachable no matter how far I stretch.
Untouchable no matter how much I yearn for it.
And whenever I do seem to grasp it,
it always vanishes into thin air.
Leaving me wishing for a different time.

I remember being a toddler,
standing in a candy store..
Staring in awe at the sweets around me
and wishing I was big enough
to grab one of the huge lollipops
on the top shelf.
With no adult in sight of my little eyes
I had only one thought running through my mind
“I can’t wait until I’m older..”

and now,
here I am.
Older and what I feel and see now are
my thoughts and dreams,
my wants and pains,
my desires..

I see them swirling and mixing;
one becoming the other until I can tell nothing apart.

What hurts me just might be my destiny.

I wish for a reality where all things are crystal
and all paths are clear.
To know where my soul truly belongs
and to not wander.

A wandering heart knows of only temporary love
and a temporary love
can only end in
abandonment.

You wonder,
“Are you running from me?”
And my answer is,
“Yes, but only if you’re this reality”