for the longest part of my life my mother said she would be "better off dead" for the longest part of my life i had to hear, "if you dont do what i say i might as well be dead" for the longest part of my life i heard "you will miss me when I'm dead" for the longest part of my life i was blackmailed, emotionally.
One cannot make a person want to live. One cannot make a person except what they have done. One cannot take the blame, if you are only a little child.
my earliest memory of "keeping things safe" by agreeing to mum ultimatums...I was maybe around 6.