I am still a child, even today
While my skin grows and stretch marks rise
And for years all I ever craved was attention from anyone with eyes, or vocal chords to say anything to me
Now I am older, and I would have thought I’d learn how to live in my skin,
How to live with myself
But now I am a shell of what I once was
Who I used to be
The life and will to survive has left my body, I am decrepit and weak
Yet the leech inside me only grows quicker and quicker with every heart beat
I hate how much I hate myself
I’d give all the money in the world for some way out
Some way to feel
My body feels foreign, I can’t recognize it
And I’d live in the body of everyone else before my own,
Because I know I’ll never be comfortable inside of myself
Maybe I should accept what has become of me
That I’ll never be who I was, or who I wanted to be
That I spent years searching for validation where I knew it would never be found
Just for the thrill that I might just reach it
Even though I know I never will