I think my skin is almost
as sensitive as I am.
The shaving cream I found in the shower
spread across my shins
gave me hives
but I guess blistering skin and the pain
along with it is
preferable to the way people would look at me
if I left my legs bare and growing hair
cause that would make me an animal, right?
And they already see me as lesser,
a thing to consume
they stare at me as if
my body is something they can take
and maybe I wouldn't mind that
all my insecurities are grounded in flesh
this form of mine
I pull apart and scrutinize it
I let the boiling shower water
burn my back and leave me red and itchy
it's better tan the bone deep cold
I live in, and even that running water
can't keep it at bay for long
I shiver without reason
I used a disgusting deodorant
meant for hormonal teenage boys
stunk up the room around me
but I'd always pick sickly sweet
over having others smell the sweat I'm covered in
my fleeting heart is always pounding
I don't know what it's like to not be afraid
do people normally have palpitations
when they wake up from a dream
they don't remember?
I think the water from my shower
could drown me
slowly fill my lungs
leave me choking on nothing
but my own thoughts
maybe I'll learn to siphon it out
a tube down my throat, scratching
or maybe I'll be coughing out water
for the rest of my life.