Lust is a selfish genie
Part life force of the universe
Part energy of destruction
Depending on its subject - or
Object, actually,
In the heat of things, after all.
What else is beautiful
And ugly at the same time?
What else results in shameless highs
Alongside endless crying?
I may as well hate you
For all the passion I feel
And days like this —
When your allergy to feeling
Flares up, and I’m
Blindsided by
Indifference,
Its thudding push
Kicking up the
Tailspin into the
Thin-skinned nightmare, the
Bed of nails I built here,
Based on instructions received while
Growing up in a small-sized-traumatized-normal-American household —
Days like this oh yes you were right,
You are an unwitting victim
If my inability to cope with
What it is you’re
Not doing.
I don’t want to blame you
Or leave you so turn
Inward I must.
Away from the dream.

How will I set myself free?
Will you still be there, then, with me?
Sometimes choosing not
To care
To share
To dare
Is as freeing as falling in love,
And honestly **** that **** —
That’s reserved for me and you,
In a bubble
Somewhere far
From life — maybe the
Best Western aux Sables d’Olonne
Or Malibu, that one night —
I live there, for a time.
I am free in my own mind.

There are feelings,
And choices.
The kleptocracy wants us
All worn out on
Each others’ sleeves —
This makes it easier
To put us in platoons
And cubicles.
I’m learning what to choose.