Nov 2020
The fire overwhelms you before you can defend yourself.
Each breath is fuel inhaled into your center and flowing out to the inferno.
It’s something small to anyone else-
To anyone who is whole.
But to you - broken and trapped behind a wall of trauma - it is all you can see.
You see she is hurting, but you can’t stop.
You can’t accept her love right now.
There is no room in this blaze.
So you lash out to keep her away.
You hurt her so she doesn’t burn up in your fury.
But she won’t go away.
She is making it worse.
How can she not see that you can’t be saved?
Why won’t she give up? Stop making you hurt her?
Can’t she see that you want to keep her behind your wall with you?
Doesn’t she know she will wither and die in the heat of your wrath?
But she won’t go away. She stays close. She’s crying from the pain as you explode and are engulfed by the flames. She cries out to you and takes your hand and you know this is agony for her. You try to push her off but she will not let go. You scream together as you burn up in the very force that makes you hate everything that you are.
As the embers die and the smoke wraps you in the remaining turmoil, you can’t bare to open your eyes and look at the destruction around you. You know you have lost her. And you know you have destroyed everything that matters to you.
You are stuck in your head until you feel her hand on your face. You breathe in her scent and try to imagine a world where you can have her - where you can keep such a creature close to you - to stand with you- to love you.
You open your eyes to find her looking at you. Waiting for you to accept her. You see that you are okay - that you are still here and so is she. And you find yourself not asking why she is still by your side, but wondering how you ever survived without her?
Kymie
4 NOV 2020
Each breath is fuel inhaled into your center and flowing out to the inferno.
It’s something small to anyone else-
To anyone who is whole.
But to you - broken and trapped behind a wall of trauma - it is all you can see.
You see she is hurting, but you can’t stop.
You can’t accept her love right now.
There is no room in this blaze.
So you lash out to keep her away.
You hurt her so she doesn’t burn up in your fury.
But she won’t go away.
She is making it worse.
How can she not see that you can’t be saved?
Why won’t she give up? Stop making you hurt her?
Can’t she see that you want to keep her behind your wall with you?
Doesn’t she know she will wither and die in the heat of your wrath?
But she won’t go away. She stays close. She’s crying from the pain as you explode and are engulfed by the flames. She cries out to you and takes your hand and you know this is agony for her. You try to push her off but she will not let go. You scream together as you burn up in the very force that makes you hate everything that you are.
As the embers die and the smoke wraps you in the remaining turmoil, you can’t bare to open your eyes and look at the destruction around you. You know you have lost her. And you know you have destroyed everything that matters to you.
You are stuck in your head until you feel her hand on your face. You breathe in her scent and try to imagine a world where you can have her - where you can keep such a creature close to you - to stand with you- to love you.
You open your eyes to find her looking at you. Waiting for you to accept her. You see that you are okay - that you are still here and so is she. And you find yourself not asking why she is still by your side, but wondering how you ever survived without her?
Kymie
4 NOV 2020
