now i know that the closest thing to real love i’ve ever known
is the love i’ve given others—
i’ve been robbed
stripped, emptied out
yanked in every direction
while im crying out
“just let me love you, i want to love you
please just let me love you!”
heart in my hands while im on my knees crying out that i just want to love..
and be loved the way i love others
i’ve been played and toyed with
like im a souless human being
like i deserve the pain
as if the amount of love i give them isn’t the most intense, beautiful feeling my body has ever created—
now painful.
my heart has been ripped out of my chest
my heart...
they want to rob me
my beautiful treasure
but this robbery hurt the most
the most deceiving
the pain has never felt so unreal
so sickening....a raw pain
this confusion is overwhelming
this truth is excruciating
sick to my stomach, im disgusted
i want to wash it off
long, long showers
scrubbing the memories away
im bleeding
the pain is haunting me
the blood is him
i want the blood to stop
the puddle of red water, flooding me
stealing my peace in the shower
i fall apart
you did this to me...you lied to me
you hurt me, you uncovered a new type of pain in my body...
i’ve been robbed naked
left on the cold shower floor
sitting still, feeling lifeless.

-h.u