i already have a kid

she steals my scrunchies
and knocks my **** over
she eats the feathers off of my dream catchers
and sleeps on my chest
she bites me all the time
and apologizes with dead crickets
she chews apart all of the wires in my house
and frequently gets her head stuck in cups

she's a little ****
but she's the best baby
(the only baby)
i could ever want