they say i have nothing to be sad for
but they don’t know everything
zero knowledge about my grief or,
the fact that my heart’s always breaking

they don’t see all the things i missed out on
the way i yearn for my father to have been alive
throughout every single moment that haunts,
every birthday after ten that i’ve had to survive

they don’t see the glistening in my eyes
when it says “Dad” on the phone call
and i watch from the sidelines
wondering what it feels like as my heart falls

& i don’t think i will ever heal
from that kind of aching
i will forever have to deal
with the way it will always be hurting.