The mornings are always the worst
Before my mind can decide if I'm awake or asleep,
you creep in and settle into a seat
The rising sun cascades a violent orange on the tops of the buildings and creeps down
and if I could only shake the sleep out
if I could only get you to enjoy your mornings somewhere else
I might find it beautiful.

I think about her
I think about you with her
I think about the way you touch her, especially when you're drunk
I remember the way it felt
I see the way she feels
She smiles and I scowl
She giggles, throwing her head back
and I snarl, baring my teeth
She moans softly
I cry out
I shriek
I scream and I cry and I yell
Sobs rattle my chest as her legs shake
I pound my fists against the solid ground

I am stuck here
I see you and her when I close my eyes
I see it projected on the concrete walls around me
I cannot outrun it
even with an 192 mile head start

I can feel myself slipping back towards October, when you told me you weren't sure if you could be with me without hurting me
I am tumbling backwards to December, when you wanted to stop seeing me
I stumble to January, when you started ******* other people and I started hearing about it

I look up
Past the concrete walls there are stars

a collection of piercing white energies

And I remember the love I felt
I remember the love I gave you
I feel my chest begin to exude a warm light
I have that love, and it's with me now.

And I hope when she touches your arm, you feel my fingers touch the inside of your wrist where it makes you shiver

And I hope when she calls to you, you feel me trace your full name on your skin

And I hope when you're short with her
when you're angry with her
when you lash out at her

I hope you remember how I asked if you were okay

I hope you fall in love with her
and her with you

And I hope after you do, you remember my love

I hope you remember the love I had for you
The only love I've had for anyone

I hope you see it glow orange the way the sun rises
I hope you feel the soft curves of my love
and get the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest where my love used to be

I hope it makes you remember me
and I hope it makes you sick how much you ******* miss it.