I have been thinking a lot about breaking-up. Not because I no longer love you, but as a defense mechanism. To protect me from decaying from the inside out. I am tired, tired of feeling scared and small. A thing you have rather than someone you consciously want to fight for. A thing. It is most likely all my own fault. My own insecurities eating away at memories, words and smiles that don't quite meet your eyes. I feel transparent. Enough to disappear for a while. I wonder if you would miss me or if it would be temporary relief somehow? You love me, I know, but I feel edges starting to fray. Constantly put down. Why do I keep feeling like nothing I do will ever be good enough? I love you too. But I fear I hold you back. Make you miss out on the life you had envisioned for yourself in my mind. You are too much to lose. And, so I never quite say goodbye.

What does that say about us?