I’m being told to practice honesty,
so honestly,
getting sober kind of really *****
most of the time.
I take my medication every morning,
I go to my meetings at night.
I fill in the spaces with adjectives and nouns and bad reality tv.
I make my phone calls
and attend my appointments
and talk truthfully with the counselors
who have the same credentials as me.

But I float along on my “pink cloud”,
happy to not be bleeding out of my nose
or begging my racing heart
to please, calm down.
I feel things,
maybe less intensely than before
but in a real sort of way,
that isn’t filtered through
whatever I decided to numb myself with.
It’s not exciting, it’s not glamorous,
but I guess I’d rather live this way
than trudge through hell every day
and die a disappointment.