I see everything. All of a sudden I see it all

I look from my balcony down and I see him swimming with me

I look the right side of my bed which he once occupied

I clear out my cupboard and see his old shorts that always showed his hairy legs and his speedo that he only wore once when he thought swimming would replace his sadness

I lie on the floor and I see him telling me he’s not the type of person to be in a relationship

I see him telling me that he likes me. More than a friend. I see myself smiling. I don’t feel it

I lie awake and see him waiting for myself to fall asleep because he promised that he would never ever let me sleep before him, in case I get scared and have bad thoughts.

I see the pain, I see the day we parted, I see the crying I see the loneliness I see the screaming I see the heartbreak I see the ******* anger in my eyes and in my heart when I find out that we can’t be friends

I blame myself
I blame myself
I blame myself

I blame him
I blame him
I blame him

I see the tiny threads falling apart in those three months after the first time. I see them now and they hurt

It all hurts
It’s been a year
And it may even hurt a little more than before

I see him crying and then I don’t see him at all

I can’t even see his face, I can’t see how he is, I can’t see who he is.

I can’t see.