“The anguish inside of me is never ending. I am infected with this pain and heartache that’s been bestowed upon me. Anger is resilient in my heart, anger at myself, anger for letting this pain chip away my sanity. I’ve lost it, I lost it the day I lost you.

The loss of your love was earth shattering to the very core. It’s worse than death. You’re alive, and well, living on in this life with normality, while I sit here, with this pent up animalistic sorrow inside of me clawing away at my insides. I’m constantly fighting myself, figuring out ways to best myself.

Trying to drown out this type of monster is like emptying the whole ocean, unheard of, impossible. I tug and pull at this lifeline that somehow connects me to you. It’s a line that will never be broken, not even in death. Like an imprint on my very soul, my heart, bones my own flesh. It’s flooded my veins infecting my blood. I cannot reconnect with anyone ever again, and it pains me endlessly knowing that I will always have this sense of dread inside of me, this knowing how incomplete I really am.

You bask in this, if you ever knew it, like really knew, would you be saddened? No, you wish for me to feel this pain, to never move on from your blue eyes and dimples, you relish in this pain and it only causes me more unimaginable destruction.

Death waits for me, with his greedy hands covered in thick black tar. In the late of nights he comes and whispers sweet nothings into my ear, and each word gives my heart an endless amount of yearning. This headache, this reminder of you is what pins me down back to reality, it keeps me here.

I’m painted black, I’m stained by this angry devil inside of me. Death is so promising, so good, powerful. It’s cold very cold, but it gives me a distraction from your lost warmth. His tar covered hands cannot drag me to his lovely palace of nothing, no matter how much I beg, I’m simply too heavy. It seems my body rejects deaths poison each time. It’s my own undoing, the karma that will be with me until the end of time. The universe taunts my brokenness by sending your handsome face and beautiful words into my dreams, and when I refuse the beckoning of your blue eyes, the world sends me monsters and the repetition of your harsh words and cold darkened eyes, reminding me of who is really in control. You’ve won like no other has before. I congratulate you on your sour victory. I will bask in the sadness of you for eternities.”