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Mar 2020
My world is filled with color.
    Shades, hues, tints, tones.
    I love color, and the way it breathes life into an empty space.
A step into my closet exposes a bright and varied wardrobe. Coming out of the closet left rainbow flags plastered on my walls. Markers, paints, pencils, ink, and crayons spill out of my drawers onto coloring pages and notebooks.
    My most magnificent canvas is my life, growing more intricate and exciting each day. Every color visible to the human eye, I spread across this great expanse I have been given. And it is vibrant and radiant and brilliant.
    Every color is here for different reasons, at different times, in different ways. Sometimes they get splattered on, sometimes finger painted, sometimes drawn on carefully. And they all have meaning.

RED
Red was my least favorite color growing up. Red is boldness, courage, passion. I didn’t have that as a kid. It wasn’t until I learned what it meant to fight and to survive and to believe in myself that started to enjoy wearing red. Now, most of my favorite clothes are red. They are the clothes I wear when I am bursting with confidence.

ORANGE
I have a lot of orange in my life. Orange is creativity and adventure. That’s where I find my happiness. Where I’m in my prime. I have always been artistic, I have always been an explorer. I could bathe in orange.

YELLOW
Everyone wants to have lots of yellow on their canvas. Positivity, optimism, hope. There’s been times when my yellow has dimmed. I would dip my paintbrush into the can and it would come up clean. Digging through cabinets, shaking bottles, looking for those last drops of paint. Then I learned how to save up to buy a new can.

GREEN
Green is for growth. Green is for harmony. I work toward green every day. I will always be growing. I will always be searching inside myself. My green is not constant. It’s a new shade each second I breathe. Pine green, acid green, emerald green.

BLUE
Sometimes blue scares me. I can’t always hold all the responsibility that’s been placed on my shoulders. I can’t always open myself up enough to trust others. I fear honesty will expose all of my failures. But I breathe in, and I breathe out. Blue is calm too. Sometimes you need a wave of blue to wash everything else away.

PURPLE
Despite being my favorite color, my life lacks in purple. I have never sought power nor claimed to be wise. But I do like to believe my life has a little bit of magic. Maybe some mystery. I hope life will always keep me on my toes.

I believe not in having a perfect life, but a life worth living. A life that always varies, through turns of joy, despair, relief, disgust, and rage. A multicolor life.
Ash B Crowley
Written by
Ash B Crowley  18/Genderqueer/Boston
(18/Genderqueer/Boston)   
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