I don’t really know how to describe emptiness, it’s not something that comes and goes, it’s always there. Or at least my emptiness is.  I’ve come to the realization that I walk around with a monster perched on my shoulder. And if had to describe it as a sensation it would be ringing, ringing in your ears. Sometimes so loud and overwhelming all you can do is listen to it and pray to stops. Other times I can’t even notice it unless I really think about it. I walk around all day every day with that ringing in my ears. Any attempts to drown it out would be futile, past experiences have shown me this. However the small solace I have discovered among all of this is the rain. The rain has the ability to snap a 100 year old tree and half as if it was nothing, or, it intertwines with the sun creating a rainbow. The rain can break or make something. If something is left out in the rain long enough it will begin to rot and deteriorate, no matter that material. I have tried so hard to **** and drown this monster out in the rain I haven’t realized how long I was out there. Unprotected. Unaware. Vulnerable. Over time I’ve come to prefer rain, over anything. The violent sound of the rain hitting the ground and wind whistling into the air, it’s become comfort while still killing me. I am rotten inside and out, bound to completely fall apart. For years the sight of a rain storm ahead terrified me and I would do anything in my power to stop it, that can’t be said for now. I can see that I am falling apart and nothing can save me, except the rain.