curiosity lingers in my veins
as my fingers type in the
four digit passcode that
holds all your secrets.
the thought never crossed my mind
that maybe i should leave it alone,
it is your property after all.
your property that would answer
all of the questions
that could never leave my lips.
my heart leaped out of my chest
where it shattered on the kitchen tiles.
i yearn for your acceptance,
but i believe that you can never
give me the one thing i ask for.
because if you are in conversations
pleading that your beloved daughter’s
sexuality is only just a phase
when i asked you to keep
it a secret in the first place,
you throw away all of my cries
for your love.
my limbs go numb as the words
are stuck on repeat inside
of my empty skull.
and when i look at you
from across the dinner table,
i can’t help but think that
when we meet eyes,
your mind is full of the fact that
you will never love me
because i am an abomination to your beliefs,
even though we believe in the same thing.
“i should’ve seen it in the way she dressed.”
sorry mom, i’ve always been a ‘tomboy,’ as you’d say.
and no matter how much you try
to push me into being a person i’m not,
i’ll always have this love for you
in the heart that you broke.
or did i break it?
after all,
i didn’t have to type in those numbers.
2111.