curiosity lingers in my veins as my fingers type in the four digit passcode that holds all your secrets. the thought never crossed my mind that maybe i should leave it alone, it is your property after all. your property that would answer all of the questions that could never leave my lips. my heart leaped out of my chest where it shattered on the kitchen tiles. i yearn for your acceptance, but i believe that you can never give me the one thing i ask for. because if you are in conversations pleading that your beloved daughter’s sexuality is only just a phase when i asked you to keep it a secret in the first place, you throw away all of my cries for your love. my limbs go numb as the words are stuck on repeat inside of my empty skull. and when i look at you from across the dinner table, i can’t help but think that when we meet eyes, your mind is full of the fact that you will never love me because i am an abomination to your beliefs, even though we believe in the same thing. “i should’ve seen it in the way she dressed.” sorry mom, i’ve always been a ‘tomboy,’ as you’d say. and no matter how much you try to push me into being a person i’m not, i’ll always have this love for you in the heart that you broke. or did i break it? after all, i didn’t have to type in those numbers. 2111.
this isn’t the best, but i haven’t posted in a while, so i thought i should.