Jan 2020
In. Out.
Choke back tears.
Choke.
“How was your day?”
“Good. How was yours?”
“Good.”
“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
(don’t know how)
(so much happens in a day)
(not important)
(i’ll get over it)
“I dunno.”
I know grades don’t really matter.
Nineties are like drugs,
once you start you can’t stop,
withdrawal hits you like a truck.
“What did you get?”
“Ninety seven.”
“Oh, that’s not that bad.”
“But what if it takes down my average?”
(I shouldn’t eavesdrop.)
(need to finish this problem)
(four months late)
(one ******* question)
(what the hell is wrong with me)
(ask for help?)
(too late)
(oh god)
(please don’t let the bell ring)
In two three four
Hold two three four five six seven
Out two three four five six seven eight
(don’t cry)
(too late)
(please stop looking)
(what’s wrong with me)
(i want to disappear)
(i’m sorry)
(friends?)
(...friends?)
“Did you write any more?”
“...no.”
“Oh. I guess it’s a busy time of year.”
“...yeah.”
“Well….have a nice evening.”
“Yeah, you too…”
(trash)
(trash)
(what was i thinking)
(so cocky)
(don’t want to open that doc ever again)
(too sensitive)
(never go anywhere)
(not cut out for this)
“How did your exam go?”
“...better than I was expecting.”
“Good!”
“Yeah. Thanks mum. Love you.”
(no music?)
(can’t believe)
(can’t vote)
(strike?)
(strike!)
(strike?)
(possible?)
(can i?)
(would it work?)
(no.)
(can’t)
(too weak.)
(try?)
(Try?)
(TRY?)
(as if life couldn’t be more complicated-)
“We have to get Ethel out more. We can’t stop walking her because Gunther can’t-”
(Gunther)
(Gunther)
(good boy.)
(stay.)
(stay by me.)
(just for a bit longer.)
(please)
(not him, please god, not him)
(god?)
(let me keep my boy)
(Stay.)
(Stay.)
(Stay.)
“We still on?”
(I dunno, are we?)
“Maybe after exams.”
“Sometimes people drift and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
(shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP)
“I can cover you for the movie.”
“Thanks! I’ll pay you back, I promise.”
“I’m just happy that means you can come.”
(alone)
(hello?)
(do you still care?)
(i do.)
(i miss you.)
(do you miss me?)
(don’t break)
(don’t want to go back)
(brave face)
“Crying is okay.”
(?)
“It doesn’t seem like you’re handling it-”
(???)
“Do you need to go and see-”
(?!?!?!?!?!)
In. Out.
Choke back tears.
Choke.
Choke back tears.
Choke.
“How was your day?”
“Good. How was yours?”
“Good.”
“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
(don’t know how)
(so much happens in a day)
(not important)
(i’ll get over it)
“I dunno.”
I know grades don’t really matter.
Nineties are like drugs,
once you start you can’t stop,
withdrawal hits you like a truck.
“What did you get?”
“Ninety seven.”
“Oh, that’s not that bad.”
“But what if it takes down my average?”
(I shouldn’t eavesdrop.)
(need to finish this problem)
(four months late)
(one ******* question)
(what the hell is wrong with me)
(ask for help?)
(too late)
(oh god)
(please don’t let the bell ring)
In two three four
Hold two three four five six seven
Out two three four five six seven eight
(don’t cry)
(too late)
(please stop looking)
(what’s wrong with me)
(i want to disappear)
(i’m sorry)
(friends?)
(...friends?)
“Did you write any more?”
“...no.”
“Oh. I guess it’s a busy time of year.”
“...yeah.”
“Well….have a nice evening.”
“Yeah, you too…”
(trash)
(trash)
(what was i thinking)
(so cocky)
(don’t want to open that doc ever again)
(too sensitive)
(never go anywhere)
(not cut out for this)
“How did your exam go?”
“...better than I was expecting.”
“Good!”
“Yeah. Thanks mum. Love you.”
(no music?)
(can’t believe)
(can’t vote)
(strike?)
(strike!)
(strike?)
(possible?)
(can i?)
(would it work?)
(no.)
(can’t)
(too weak.)
(try?)
(Try?)
(TRY?)
(as if life couldn’t be more complicated-)
“We have to get Ethel out more. We can’t stop walking her because Gunther can’t-”
(Gunther)
(Gunther)
(good boy.)
(stay.)
(stay by me.)
(just for a bit longer.)
(please)
(not him, please god, not him)
(god?)
(let me keep my boy)
(Stay.)
(Stay.)
(Stay.)
“We still on?”
(I dunno, are we?)
“Maybe after exams.”
“Sometimes people drift and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
(shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP)
“I can cover you for the movie.”
“Thanks! I’ll pay you back, I promise.”
“I’m just happy that means you can come.”
(alone)
(hello?)
(do you still care?)
(i do.)
(i miss you.)
(do you miss me?)
(don’t break)
(don’t want to go back)
(brave face)
“Crying is okay.”
(?)
“It doesn’t seem like you’re handling it-”
(???)
“Do you need to go and see-”
(?!?!?!?!?!)
In. Out.
Choke back tears.
Choke.
