My life it is so busy these days
I need to save time where I can
So to shave off a few minutes here and there
I've come up with a master plan

Astronaut underwear
That's just a given
How much time that's going to save
I need not even mention

I'm going to wear my glasses below my nose
That way my nose for itself can see
Whether it needs picking or not
That's going to save my finger and me a lot of grief

Soap on a rope will go around my neck
I'll bathe in sinks as I get ripe
To save on minutes and energy
I'll do one pit at a time

I'll pull out my agua blue polyester leisure suit
That I've saved from the 70's
I'll wear it all the time, even to bed at night
Those suckers stay wrinkle free

My toothbrush I'll paste up and place in my mouth
When I hop into bed for a good nights sleep
In the morning I'll be all freshened and brushed
From a night of grinding my teeth

I even got the brilliant idea
One night while watching my dog
A device on his rear so he can mop
While he scratches his **** across the floor

These are just a few good ideas
I'm sure I'll think of more
Once I have all this spare time
Sitting around bored outta my gourd