Its been so long I'm starting to wonder if I have anything left to say
Its been so long I have an entire new life but here I am again
Here I am running back to the same paper and pen
Running back to write about you.
Its been years. I'm wondering why I'm even thinking about it in the first place.
Maybe its because someone had asked me if I was okay, I said yes.
But what I should've said was I'm trying.
I'm trying. God knows I'm trying.
God knows I'm unraveling.
God knows I'm anxious.

I'm 22 now.
But truthfully I feel like I've been dead since 2014.
I feel like I'm in another person's body.
Just existing.
Because all I remember are the ways you made me feel alive and its killing me.
It's been killing me slowly like a cigarette.
And I keep coming back because I'm addicted because this is the only life I've known.
Eagerly inhaling your secondhand smoke.
I'm afraid I'll waste away like this.
I'm afraid I feel helpless.
I feel trapped in you.
I'm afraid.