Dec 2019
Dec.27.2019
Why do I hold myself back
from what I want to do?
"To hide the overpowering disappointment.
You don't want to forever hurt yourself,
so you stay silently discreet; lay low."
But why don't I want to hear them speak?
"Again, to save your no-good cowardly ***.
You are quite the physical *******,
a lover of being cut, bruised, and bludgeoned,
but you suffer from being mentally skullfucked.
Aren't you supposed to me smart?
Maybe, just maybe, if you had confidence,
you wouldn't be talking to me;
the one person who wants you dead.
you refrain from everything,
yet you always seek counsel with me."
Because you're the only one I truly trust...
"Go **** yourself, just talk to someone else."
Why do I hold myself back
from what I want to do?
"To hide the overpowering disappointment.
You don't want to forever hurt yourself,
so you stay silently discreet; lay low."
But why don't I want to hear them speak?
"Again, to save your no-good cowardly ***.
You are quite the physical *******,
a lover of being cut, bruised, and bludgeoned,
but you suffer from being mentally skullfucked.
Aren't you supposed to me smart?
Maybe, just maybe, if you had confidence,
you wouldn't be talking to me;
the one person who wants you dead.
you refrain from everything,
yet you always seek counsel with me."
Because you're the only one I truly trust...
"Go **** yourself, just talk to someone else."
Have you ever talked to yourself? Argued with yourself? Welcome to my everyday life. The only person I have ever trusted enough to seek full counsel with was the part of me that urges me to destroy my body and **** myself. I promise you people that I'm not suicidal now, but that **** changes at the radius of a dime for me.
Oh yeah, actual notes:
this starts with me complaining, questioning why I get so apprehensive when I'm around those I like, and how texting them never goes over well with me, or how I don't want to read their messages, but takes a different turn when 'it' starts talking back.
'it' words are in quotes, my words are not.
Oh yeah, actual notes:
this starts with me complaining, questioning why I get so apprehensive when I'm around those I like, and how texting them never goes over well with me, or how I don't want to read their messages, but takes a different turn when 'it' starts talking back.
'it' words are in quotes, my words are not.
