you lifted my arm to see it drop flop like I was a rag doll when I was still a child should have still been a child instead my body heavy limbs drugged and sleeping my mind still awake although drowning small heart pounding I could feel your heart beating excited with anticipation carrying me to the midnight garden silver dollar leaves their dusky shimmer becoming my focal distraction blurred points of light guiding me back to days spent in sunshine sunlight glistening on gentle ocean waves childhood delights dusted with light slipping the knot mouth filled with leaves of rot mixed with coppery blood becoming escape artist extraordinaire Houdini of the mind slip not to feel young flesh rip invoking warm summer air not to feel the rip and tear making myself spring rain not to feel the searing pain recalling my mother's embrace tactics to temporarily erase to catapult through time and space dusky silver dollar leaves shimmer feeling the burn of the rope grasping any filamental glimmer of hope