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Nov 2019
I could say I am sorry,
But I am not.
Because on the one hand it is a choice,
(But then again it isn’t.)
It’ll take me 3 months and 22 days,
a caloric deficit of 700,
7 hours of gymnastics a week,
half an apple instead of one,
skipping lunches three times a week,
discipline, motivation and strength,
but one day, I will be where I want to be.

I have a goal, a very specific number,
and as for now, it’s all just in my head,
and –actually- I’ve never really liked numbers ,
in school I always hated maths,
but - since I’ve started measuring every inch of happiness,
since I keep my feelings locked up in measuring cups,
I cannot imagine living without them anymore.
It feels good to have a goal again.

So, when I pinch my skin,
and cry myself to sleep at night over a *******,
when I hate myself for being myself,
I could say that I am sorry,
to me, to anyone.
But the truth is, I am not.
Not yet.
I still have a goal to finish.
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