Dear Grandma,

I miss you.
Every time I pray, I ask G-d to say hi to you for me.
Have you heard?
Are my messages getting to you?
I hope so.

I wish there had been more time--
That you got to meet this version of me.
The version that I didn't even know I had to hide from you because I didn't have the words back then or the bravery to tell myself.

Did you know you taught me how to be brave?
Back in '99 just before the world had its
Christian birthday of two millennia
and before John and Rae and Nana died
but after Gordon left us
and some time before my molars grew in.

I couldn't sleep in that house with Mom and Dad at the movies.
But you sat with me and told me stories of
deserts and mountains
of caves and tropical storms.
You told me about your adventures until I drifted off--
Your voice lulling me into dreams of
battling latent fears and
throwing them to the wind.

And then,
You left me, too.

And I never got to tell you.
And maybe that's why I'm trying to be brave like you,
So that doesn't happen again.

I love you.
Say hi to Henly for me.