Oct 2019
An exercise in line breaks. See below
Give me notice (Version One)
Give me notice
For life is short
I might have more to do
Than rest on your doorstep
Hoping you will open the latch
Greet me with a smile
Suggest we spend the day
Viewing the community pond
Feeding the ducks
Cementing our bond
Give me notice
So I will not
Fall in love alone
Give Me Notice (Version Two)
GIVE ME NOTICE
Give me notice
Life
can be short
I might have
more to do
Than rest
on your doorstep
Hoping
you will
open the latch
Greet me
with a smile
Suggest we
spend the day
By the village pond
Feeding
the ducks
Cementing
our bond
Give me
notice
So I
will not
fall in love
alone
Give me notice (Version One)
Give me notice
For life is short
I might have more to do
Than rest on your doorstep
Hoping you will open the latch
Greet me with a smile
Suggest we spend the day
Viewing the community pond
Feeding the ducks
Cementing our bond
Give me notice
So I will not
Fall in love alone
Give Me Notice (Version Two)
GIVE ME NOTICE
Give me notice
Life
can be short
I might have
more to do
Than rest
on your doorstep
Hoping
you will
open the latch
Greet me
with a smile
Suggest we
spend the day
By the village pond
Feeding
the ducks
Cementing
our bond
Give me
notice
So I
will not
fall in love
alone
Line breaks can change a poem. Borrowing from an idea of Sandford Lyne in his book Writing Poetry from the Inside Out, I tried changing the line breaks in one of my poems. Here are the two poems. The top one was my first write and it was posted here before Nov, 2018. The second rendering is unchanged except for line breaks. I would appreciate any feedback of the poems. Someone read them and suggested a different title. What do you think about the title or the versions? Please let me know. There is one change in wording, community pond to village pond and an additional and in the original post.
(88/M/Tennessee)
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