While everyone else takes a few steps I have to take a mile,
I'm just not myself and I haven't been in a while.
Sometimes I need a friend to be there,
Sometimes I need someone to really care.
When I get the courage to open up about how I feel inside I get left on read,
It may not be how you meant it but its like it doesn't even matter what I just said.
I'm really crying out for help but no one is hearing me,
This feeling I have daily is starting to put the fear in me.
I need someone to care enough to want to know why,
Why I'm always alone and why I always cry.
At the same time I don't want to bring anyone down to my negative state,
Honestly I don't know what's wrong with me or how to deal with everything on my plate.
I don't know how to ask for help cause I always handled things on my own,
All the right ways everyone else learned I was never shown.
I don't want to be the sad part of someone's day,
Because you are so happy I don't want to get in the way.
I don't know how long I can keep pretending to be okay.
I'm loosing my joy of doing things I used to love to do,
Like seeing my best friends or the dreams I wanted to pursue.
I feel like a bad friend I feel left out,
My voice is silent but inside I'm ready to shout.
I wanna be me I wanna be there.
Like I was before I became this empty shell of who I was not too long ago,
It's like the love I have for my friends and family it's hard to show.
It's like it's easier for me not to even go.
I don't even know how to explain myself and I don't wanna loose anyone,
I feel like people are giving up on me and I don't wanna be done.
My love hasn't changed for anyone except my love for me,
I'm trying so hard to ignore it that it's making itself louder to see.
I can't hide it any more I pray I don't stay this way,
I can't make any one understand by anything that I say.
All they can see is that I am not there,
Trust me it doesn't mean that I do not care.
I do more than anything I just can't show it,
Something inside isn't right and I know it.
This isn't me I'm not this girl who is absent with her friends,
I don't want to be the reason our friendship ends.
Who wants to be with someone who can't even enjoy their company,
Who wants to be around someone who makes them feel uncomfortably.
Most of the time I don't want people to be around me because I am miserable,
I don't like making people feel sad for me because what I feel is visible.
So I stay to myself praying someone makes me feel okay to not be okay,
Sometimes I pray for someone to help me open up with what I need to say.
Honestly I shut it off for so long I don't even know what that is any more,
I am just so confused on what to do and my presence has became a revolving door.
Please don't give up on me I need y'all the most right now, I really am trying,
I just need time to find the problem I'm having such a hard time identifying.
I go back and forth with wanting someone to listen,
Sometimes it's easier not having to talk about what's missin.
It's clear that I don't know what I need, space or a friend,
It's like I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I know I'm not there as much as I should be,
Please just give me time and pray for me.