she better have a ***** cast in gold,
acres of patience and miles of love.

she better have the perfect bikini line,
never a watch tan, but always on time-
had a good reason all three times she’s cried.

she better have a blonde squad that defends her,
lululemon avengers,
oh- and they all respect
her relationship with you.
but were something to happen,
you know they’d hop on that too.

she better be dorky, in all the right ways.
tan legs and a t-shirt, loses each time that she plays.

and it’s so sad that you can’t take her out
to the bar or the club,
all those ******* guys who see her and think:
mmm, gimme some!

then I can understand
how you could leave me,
sad, and home allll on my own.
because you’re with Venus herself,
and she’s dropping it low.

but- I can’t think about her,
getting mad, letting out a ****, a burp,
or a big snotty sneeze,
because then it’s not that she’s perfect.

you just didn’t want me.