I grew up always telling myself things would get better.
But the longer I lived my life I always thought the world was getting more bitter and bitter.
Because every time I would take one step forward in life, I would be pushed back, further and further behind the starting line.

No one gives a **** about me. Even those who are paid to care just laugh behind my back.

From 10 years old I had my very first suicide attempt, now 8 years later I've tried 7 more times because the ******* therapist didn't give a single **** about how I was truly feeling.

From 12 years old I've been dependent on anti-depressants, now 6 years later I'm triple dosing my pills just to feel a fix, all because she was only focused on that 10-3 time card.

From 14 years old I've been addicted to alcohol, now 4 years later I hit the bottom of the bottle before I even feel a buzz, all because the paid rehab was just like those stupid therapy sessions.

From 17 years old I started looking at heavier drugs to feel fixed, now 1 years later taking a Xan in the morning followed by 3 Zoloft pills is the normal after a sleepless night of throwing up all the codeine I put my system through.

For 18 years I've cried over my mom.
For 18 years I've cried over my dad.
For 18 years all I've ever wanted to do was just ******* die.
Because I don't care how much longer it's gonna take that stupid rain cloud to go away for me to see the rainbows, I don't care, I physically nor mentally can take another hour of living in this makeshift hell above the ground.