I am change
And the opposite of change.
I am the turbulent turning of the tides
And the repeating rhythms that hold them in place.
I am the relentless forward march of time
And the regular rotations of a clock.
I am the frenzied lunges of a caged animal
And the immovable bars that keep it confined.
I am perpetually in motion
Yet I am confined by strange laws and forces beyond my control.

I yearn for freedom.
I am enslaved by the grooves that hold this roller-coaster in its blind orbit.
I am exhausted by this robotically rambling train of thought that never leaves its tracks.
I am weary of this winding waterway that chases its tail in a helpless cycle,
That only leads inevitably to the same heights of hope and depths of despair.

I want to wander and know that I won’t simply return to where I began.
I want to write a new story where I do not already know the ending.
I want this story to have a real absolute ****** and real absolute resolution.
I want to break the machinery that has fused with my heart and brain and spirit.
I want to hear the scream of steel and hissing of wires as it is scattered into lifeless fragments.
I want to hear the roller-coaster’s final chuffs of protest as it grinds to a halt.
I want to know that it is finished and I am only beginning.
I want to live and know that I am truly alive.