when my brain wanders
i’m reminded of pain
all the meds can’t cure it
but they make me more sane

  when i look in the mirror
  and feel nothing
  when i realize i have sad eyes
  tears forming start to sting

    when i count the scars on my body
   shocked and reserved
   i manage to not mind them
   and miss the hurt

     physical pain is euphoric
     reminding me i’m just a human
     cutting brings me breath
     like when i got the wind knocked out of me
  
         this is the cycle i need to break
         i can’t keep feeling pain
         though it’s a familiar friend
         i need to vanquish faith

           i feel the only way to do that
           is to leave this world
           a blip fluke of a human
           just.. forgotten dust

              not dissimilar to the dust in the pills
              keeping me here
              momma give me strength
              i need to feel you near