THIS IS ME

I think too much, it hurts my brain
My head is full of doubts
I try to cover up my pain
But I can't block it out
I've built these walls, around myself
To mask the pain inside
I hide my feelings, on these shelves
And run in there, to hide
My OCD controls me
I'm as stubborn, as they come
I write when I feel lonely
I make mixed tapes, just for fun
I smoke too many cigarettes
I refuse to love myself
My mind is dark, and a bit complex
But I'm not like anyone else
I'm a single mom, to amazing kids
Who are wrapped around my soul
There's nothing, that I wouldn't, do or give
To make sure, they reach their goals
I desperately, need perfection
In every aspect, of my life
I struggle with affection
I don't, sleep much at night
I've witnessed my boyfriend, die on me
I've cursed at the hand I was dealt
The cancer, just took him so suddenly
But I have always, just blamed myself
I'd rather sit alone and cry
Than show the world my tears
I sometimes wish, that I would die
Than face my deepest fears
Some say, I'm unapproachable
My sarcasm, is too much
It's left me feeling vulnerable
Afraid of not being loved
I can be a clown, sometimes
And other times, I'm a mess
Some people, can read between the lines
And know, that I'm depressed
I don't wear make up, or girly clothes
I feel fat, and insecure
I've been to places, no one knows
I have diseases, with no cure
I did drugs, and drank too much
There's wounds I cannot mend
I hurt some people, that I love
My life, I tried to end
I love the calm, before the storm
I love to watch the rain
My hearts been shattered apart before
But I've endured the pain
I wear a hat with everything
My style is out of sync
When I'm inside my car I sing
And I don't care what you think
Music, means the world to me
It can inspire me to write
The lyrics, seem to set me free
Some have, even saved my life
I grew up in a dangerous place
So bad, we had to leave
I've been the victim, of race filled hate
That left me on my knees
I've never owned a fancy car
Or had money, like my friends
But even though my life is scarred
On me, they can depend
I've suffered through, all kinds of abuse
******, physical, and mental
I'm sure, that this has changed my views
And made me less than gentle
I don't like people who lie to me
They don't get my respect
I see the things that no one sees
And to some, that is a threat
People who don't like animals
To me, are maladjusted
My views, may be too radical
But to me, they can't be trusted
I have a sailors attitude
My focus is intense
I have issues, that I'm working through
And sins that I repent
I love to watch good comedies
I'm hopelessly romantic
But no one sees that side of me
Which leaves me disenchanted
I'd take a bullet for my friends
My loyalty can't be shaken
I'd fight for them, until the end
Of this, I'm not mistaken
You can choose to walk away
Or come along for the ride
And if you make the choice to stay
I'll aways be by your side.
I don't have looks to be desired
I'm crazy, and full of regrets
But for family and friends, I'd walk through fire
This is me, this is what you get.