Fresh cut
There it stands
Waiting for your name
After so many years
Of running from your fate
You finally collapsed
Under the tidal waves of depression
Loaded up your 45
Tied a noose just in case
And sharpened your blade as a last resort
Ran to the place we both found peace and solitude
The one place I now refuse to wander
To me its not a name carved in stone
It’s your name I am carving into this stone
This marble headstone
Where in a few hours your body will be placed
Six feet below the shadow of this headstone
As the sun finally sets
I stayed after the ceremony
I asked you if you remembered those days
When we were just little kids
We would walk to the beach early in the morning
Stay all day
Listen to the other kids play
Their parents yelling at them
To not play with the jellyfish
That washed up on the shore
Hours before we arrived
We would walk hand in hand up and down the beach
Letting the water lick at our feet
Sat together in a silent embrace
We would wait patiently for the sun to set the sky on fire
With colors of the rainbow
We would watch the gulls shadow cross our faces
Reach for each other’s hands
It wasn’t selfish to sit here alone
It was just we loved being close
Sharing a common passion
The sea would extinguish the sun
The sea would glow with a neon foamy green
And we would swear it was the most beautiful place
The most perfect memories
The greatest moments within our history
Now here I am
Tears rolling down both cheeks
As I carve this name into the headstone
But its not just any name
It’s your name I am carving here
Trying not to mess up
Because deep down
I never told you how I feel
I regret not asking you out to the movies
The Valentines Day ball
The Homecoming Dance
The Middle School Prom
All the opportunities and instead
You sat at home alone
Crying your eyes out
Wearing the dress your parents bought
For you every time there was a dance to go to
I regret all the small things
That led me to pass up
Spending time with you the way we used to
And that pain hits me harder
With every time I carve a letter of your name
Into this ice cold marble headstone
I should have been there for you
The way that I promised you
I told you I would always be there for you
But I regrettably failed to keep that promise
And look at where it landed the both of us
Your dead and six feet below where I now stand
I am here standing looking at your name
The fresh name carved in stone
I am sorry
I still have all those secret Santa presents
And anonymous Valentines cards
The very ones we both knew where from you
Because you would blush
Every time I talked about them
You would try to hide your smile from me
And I thought it was the cutest thing ever
Because deep down I really do love you
And this pain I have from all the regret
Unfortunately gets passed to all the girls
I will use to cope with the pain
Your suicide has brought me
And I know it wasn’t selfish
You wanted to prove a point
And I hope these tears that refuse to stop flowing
Are evidence enough that your point is very clear
I Miss You!
I am sorry for all of this
But sadly the one thing that haunts me the most right now
Is seeing your name carved in stone
A name that I carved
Into ice cold unforgiving marble