If Jesus was real
And living down the block
Could I still be saved from death?
Without that rootless burden of proof
To leverage against the clock.

Perhaps, sin would be worse
Don't you think
If I jacked off thinking of someone's spouse
Knowing He was merely yards away
Peeking between the blinds of His own house.

Would He be a hero
Or a pariah?
Sometimes I imagine a political messiah.

Would He be throwing trash cans
Through the windows at Starbucks?
Punching Nazis on YouTube?
Or flying the American flag
from the tailgate of his pickup truck?

No, I'm thinking something more along the lines
Of an old man at the pond
Feeding stale bread crumbs to starving ducks.

Pascal's wager would mean nothing anymore
Since I could look this man in His eyes
And ask Him "What's in store?"

"Please don't judge me by my actions
If you really have a say.
I'm not a bad person, I don't think, it's
Just more fun to disobey."

**

If Jesus was real
And I had a soul to spare,
I'd tell him to mind his ******* business
And cut his ******* hair.