I feel like I've already peaked
And I still haven't found that fire I seek
Something that inspires and takes me higher
If I could see myself now, I'd call me a liar
I don't understand, am I not doing what I can
Is there more and is it just out of my hands
I'm clueless and useless
I feel like I always knew this
I'm not new to it, the disappointment
Too annoyed to feel resentment
At the end of the day, it's just me and the voice in my head
And it'll always say that I'm better off dead

I can't look
Don't force me to see
An open book
But I don't wanna be free

I'm holding myself back
By being hung up on my past
All my regrets are making me forget
About all the people I wouldn't have met
The things I wouldn't have seen
The person I wouldn't have been
I would never be the same
Without that bittersweet pain
It makes me crazy, it keeps me sane
It comes back every time I ride the train
It always rains before the rainbow, I'm sure
But is it a good enough cure
It's not a disability just my mentality
Every time I try I'm reminded by gravity
That I can't be the best version of me
If I can't let the old one go and be free

I want to look
I want to see
I've opened the book
Now I wanna be free