Doubt and fear.
Regardless of what I say its the only thing I hear.
I'm afraid of so much, and I doubt everything I feel.
I can't convince myself anything is real.
It doesn't matter.
Today is a new day. Hopefully the first in a long line of "new days"
Because I am trying to change from my "old ways".
It doesn't matter.
I need to do things, and accept the facts.
I cant be scared anymore. Its not wrong for me to feel the way I do.
I cant run anymore. I feel, and I hate it.
I don't need anyone, but it's okay that I do. I can be better.
I said "I love you", I said I didn't know what it meant, and that I regret saying it.
I don't.
I knew what it means, I know what it means to me at least. It's the one thing I know, because of that, I can stop running and hiding. I have something to fight for. I am sorry that the thing I cling to is you.
I cried in your car. In the freezing cold parking lot, as the stadium lights faded to black you cried back.
I'm sorry it had to be you.
But its the one thing I know is true.
I love you.
Its the end of the month, and its okay for me to love you.