I used to think, to fully experience you, I had to cry.
To feel sorrow or grief of some sort.
Maybe because seeing your face meant the pain would come flooding back.
Pain of the mistakes, the empty promises, the what-ifs or maybes.
Pain of the loneliness, the brokenness, the abuse,
or maybe just the simple reminders of how many times I used you.
And seeing how others acted around you would make me think that they were getting the same feelings, but accompanied with the memory of how you saved them from themselves.
I used to think there was something wrong with me.
Why were my cheeks not tear-stained?
Why was I not on my knees?
Was that you even speaking to me?
I used to think they were freaks.
Screaming and running.
Dancing and singing.
Laughing and also trembling.
That was of course until you liberated me.
When I was a child I thought as a child.
God, how foolish of me,
to think You would cause me grief.
I was blind, but now I see, that you are the bringer of peace.
I can't help but sing.
I can't help but be everything I mocked,
Everything I thought I would never be.
I see now that I no longer grieve because you have brought me joy.
You have brought me life and life more abundantly.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with me.
What once was broken, scarred, and empty is now whole.
Thanks to you, I'm happy to say that I can finally breathe.