I don't know how much longer I can keep being haunted by my memories

I want to kiss you
Feel your hands around my neck
Always did feel safe there
Now I’m scared I’d be a wreck

I want to kiss you
Then hide and slit my wrists
I wanna climb up on the wall
There’s a stranger in my midst

I don’t want to kiss you
It’s tainted
It’s broken?
I want to run away but I keep looking back
Are my arms still open ?