Something that I’ve learned for sure,
you don’t need to see me like you said you used to.
I read the words you wrote, and wonder what has been changing?

How much have we both been changing?
I feel static compared to you,
a constant shifting kaleidoscope.

More and more of your colors are coming out,
twinkling and sparking in the light of the mid-morning sun, and for the first time I’m seeing it from the outside.

You’re too sincere to hurt anyone on purpose,
and that’s how I know, because I know you.

Sometimes I feel more like your friend,
and there’s a claw that picks at my heart,
armed with acid that shuts down my lungs.

You’re beautiful.
An unequivocal fact, a truth.
The way you make everyone around you feel
special, important,
loved.
Being on the outside burns,
but seeing you bloom is enough to make me swallow my tongue.

I don’t know if I can be your friend.
If you want me to be, I’ll do it,
but you mean so much more than I can ever communicate.

Recently,
I’m the one that needs you.

I look for you everywhere I go,
wait at corners in case I can run into you,
watch you leave with a bruised spirit.

How do you do it?
How do you have me so wrapped around your fingers that I can’t breathe?
How do I show you what you’re doing to me?

I know that if things change,
I’m going to break whatever balance we have,
like I always knew I would.

We told each other all that time ago
that we want to see each other in our futures.
Do I fit into yours?

You’re growing, growing up,
outgrowing me, I can’t catch up to you,
no matter how hard I’m trying.

I think you’d be surprised how reckless and stiff it’s making me,
you’ve always been part of my impulse control,
always cared whether or not I’m doing okay.

How are you?
I can’t ask you that really,
I just sit and smile,
take in you and your coffee smile, morning tired eyes.