Nov 2018
24 hours till my last breath, 24 hours till my inevitable death
Thought I had forever, but forever goes by so fast
Most people never know, which day is their last.
I thought knowing would be a blessing,
but it’s nothing more than distressing
I’m young, not ready to go,
oh God, can I have more time to borrow?!
I thought I’d grow old, experience much more of life
But this fear is consuming, piercing like a knife.
I can’t tell my family, it would simply break their hearts
But I need them with me as my life falls apart
23 hours till I’m dead and gone,
Thursday, November 1st, the beginning of dawn.
At least there’s some beauty in dying at sunrise,
Darkness no more, only hopeful light in the skies.
I write letters to all whom I love, saying all I can possibly think of.
The ink has bled from my fallin’ tears,
It’s so hard to reminisce these past 22 years.
Was it all worth it? The pain and the stress,
Only to remember all my joy and success.
Though I’m not ready to leave and say goodbye,
At least I know, I’ll have no regrets when I die.
22 hours till my time to go, a talk with God, my soul I do owe
I pray for those I’m leaving behind,
Comfort, peace I hope they do find
I close my eyes to receive my last rites,
Wondering what it’ll be like walking into the lights.
Will I be reunited with souls I have lost
Or for my sins will I be paying the cost.
I sure hope that whatever awaits,
Is nothing short, of the pearly white gates
21 hours, I know they’ll go by quick,
Counting down these hours, it’s making me sick.
I call a family meeting, to tell them the news,
I’m so choked up but it’s too late to refuse,
“There’s something I have to tell you guys”, I start off to say
“I’ve been to the doctors and it seems today is my last day.”
Brother looks confused as he doesn’t understand,
“How can this be? Death is rarely ever planned?”
“I have meningitis, from bacteria caught too late,
End of life plans, I was told to create."
Mother holds me close as she starts to cry,
“Another opinion” she says, “it’s something we have to try!”
“I’ve had multiple consults mom, I have to accept my fate.
If this life were a game, then my time is calling checkmate”
Sister wipes a tear rolling down her face,
Dad comes over, and says “family embrace!”
“We’ll get through this together”, brother starts to say.
“Trust in God,” dad says, “everything will be okay.”
20 hours now, I know the end is near,
I’m trying to be brave, but I’m trembling with fear.
A sunflower stamp seals my notes with wax hot,
I place them on my bed, to be found in the right spot.
I close the door, back I’ll never again look,
Finally ready to enjoy this final chapter of my book.
They say that the present, it is truly a gift,
19 hours left, my attitude has to shift.
“Let’s have a campout, by that park Rouge Hill”
Right by the water, it's the perfect place to chill
I help my family pack up the car, good thing Rouge Hill isn’t that far
With blankets, chairs and wood for a fire,
Can’t forget ma’s cooking, it’s all, I desire.
18 hours and we’re walking along the shore,
Trying to push through, my body is really sore.
I try not to wince, or show that I’m in pain
As I won’t feel much at all, once I’ve been slain.
17 hours the wind is cold and brisk,
I jump in the water, what’s life without some risk.
Submersing my head, I’ve been swallowed whole,
Being under water, nature in control.
Here right now, I’m truly at peace, in the water, it’s the best release.
Only 16 hours left, so I climb out,
The hot blazing fire, it’s easy to scout.
Sister wrapped in a blanket oh so toasty,
“Everything okay?” mom says, I reply, “mostly”
Brother brings over a big deck of cards,
Dad’s playing guitar, you can hear it for yards,
I have the biggest grin spread across my face,
home is with you, for a place is just a place.
How many hours now, 10 plus 5, 15 hours till I’m no longer alive.
I pour us apple cider, for it warms the heart,
Nothing like a hot drink, when life’s falling apart.
Around the fire, songs we do sing,
each and every word, to them I cling.
Our singing gets louder, at the top of our lungs,
energetic passion rolling from our tongues
14 hours, is that really the time? It flying by, that must be a crime
We eat dinner, telling stories all the while,
laughing so hard, making my time worthwhile.
13, 13, it’s getting down to the crunch,
this unspoken tension ain’t just a hunch.
I don’t want to be a damper and spoil the mood,
But let’s be honest, there’s no point being allude.
“Hey everyone, I think we should discuss,
the plan when I die, I don’t want you to fuss”
“I want you to plant, a sunflower seed,
I want you to live as if tomorrow ain’t guaranteed.
Sunflowers are symbols of warmth, light, hope,
That God is with you when it’s difficult to cope.
Treat those around you with utmost respect,
The importance of kindness, don’t ever neglect
This is how, you can remember me, live your life at the fullest degree”
12 more hours, I pull my sister aside.
“The amount that I love you, surpasses love worldwide
I need you to be strong, to not fall apart
For I’ll never leave you, I’ll always be in your heart
You are so special, I hope you never doubt, how beautiful you are, inside and out
Don’t ever feel the need to follow the crowd, for you are enough, trust me, be proud.”
11 more hours, what can I say,
to you my dear brother, I’d be here all day
“I’ll never forget all the adventures we’ve had,
racing our bikes in the forest with dad
All the road trips squished in the back seat,
long choir practice with your piano so sweet
All our discussions of life so profound
When you were 8 and scraped your knee on the ground
How you amaze me each and every day,
you’ll continue to do so when I’m gone away
Wherever I’ll be, I’ll be looking out,
there by your side, your life throughout.”
10 more hours, “who wants a s’more?”
Who can resist a gooey graham galore.
I pass around, marshmallows to roast,
dad gets the coffee, I prepare a toast
“A toast to my life, and to my final day.
A toast to living it, the best possible way.
A toast to you brother and all future success.
A toast to you sister, the world you’ll impress.
A toast to you father, whom I deeply appreciate.
A toast to you mom, this I dedicate,
You brought me into this world, life to me you gave
I hope in your heart, these words you do save.
For I can never repay you for all that you’ve done,
Your unwavering love, from the moment my life begun.
I’ve never met a soul as kind as you.
You inspired me, more than you ever knew.
Please find joy mom, you are so strong,
life’s brought you pain but know you belong,
Belong in this family, belong in our hearts,
you are so beautiful with all perfect parts.
Mom I love you, I wish I could profess,
but no amount of words can measure or express.”
9 more hours, time to talk to my dad.
He starts the conversation, that makes me real glad.
“I remember when you used to fit in my arm
The moment you were born, I tried to protect you from harm
You were so little, look at you now…”
He starts to choke up, furrowing his brow.
“Dad…” I say, “I never said this enough,
but you taught me a lot, being so tough.
You taught me to aim for dreams so high,
you taught me to work hard, myself to apply.
You taught me to appreciate the little things in life,
I wasn’t always easy, forgive me for all past strife.
Your dedication and effort was never ignored,
I know your love, in it, was poured
I need to say this before I bid adieu,
thank you for everything, I love you too.
8 more hours, can I slow down the clock,
all I am hearing is tick tock tick tock.
I think I’ve said all that I needed to say,
I’m feeling so tired, down I want to lay.
On thick blankets spread upon the grass,
I lie with my family, accepting time will pass.
Looking at the stars, shining up above,
I feel blessed to be surrounded by so much love.
7 hours, my breath begins to slow,
trying to stay awake, we hold hands in a row.
“Are you afraid?” says a voice in the dark.
“I’ve been afraid since fate made its mark.
That being said, it does make it better,
being with you”, my eyes are getting wetter.
6 more hours, I take out my will, I had it drawn up in case I got ill
Who knew that I’d need it so soon, but with death, no one’s immune
“You will need this,” I say to mom,
“my body I don’t want you to embalm
Any organs, tissues that are viable,
please donate, I know you’re reliable
They will be much more of use,
if someone’s pain, it can excuse.”
5 hours left till my last respiration,
I look at the sky in pure admiration
The number of stars are impossible to count,
the beauty of life, our minds can’t surmount.
The depth of existence, our egos obscure,
Maybe when we die, the answers we’ll know for sure
This world around us is so very pretty,
I wanted to see more, it’s really such a pity.
4 hours now, my body is shutting down,
gasping for air as if I’m about to drown.
My breathing is laboured, it’s difficult to speak.
I hug my family, though I am weak.
Death is getting closer, I feel it in my bones,
I don’t want to move and let out any groans.
3 hours now, something doesn’t feel right,
3 hours now, my insides are tight.
My organs are giving up one by one,
the elephant on my chest sure weighs a tonne.
I’m trying to be strong but life’s escaping me,
fighting to stay alive is painful misery.
2 hours to go, I think I’m falling asleep,
with heavy eyes I see my family weep.
With all the energy I have left to spare,
I say “I love you. Please don’t despair.”
I’m holding on to life, they are holding on to me,
Tearfully mom says, “It’s okay, go be free.”
I close my eyes and fall asleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.
This last hour of my inevitable death,
I peacefully release, my last breath.
Thought I had forever, but forever goes by so fast
Most people never know, which day is their last.
I thought knowing would be a blessing,
but it’s nothing more than distressing
I’m young, not ready to go,
oh God, can I have more time to borrow?!
I thought I’d grow old, experience much more of life
But this fear is consuming, piercing like a knife.
I can’t tell my family, it would simply break their hearts
But I need them with me as my life falls apart
23 hours till I’m dead and gone,
Thursday, November 1st, the beginning of dawn.
At least there’s some beauty in dying at sunrise,
Darkness no more, only hopeful light in the skies.
I write letters to all whom I love, saying all I can possibly think of.
The ink has bled from my fallin’ tears,
It’s so hard to reminisce these past 22 years.
Was it all worth it? The pain and the stress,
Only to remember all my joy and success.
Though I’m not ready to leave and say goodbye,
At least I know, I’ll have no regrets when I die.
22 hours till my time to go, a talk with God, my soul I do owe
I pray for those I’m leaving behind,
Comfort, peace I hope they do find
I close my eyes to receive my last rites,
Wondering what it’ll be like walking into the lights.
Will I be reunited with souls I have lost
Or for my sins will I be paying the cost.
I sure hope that whatever awaits,
Is nothing short, of the pearly white gates
21 hours, I know they’ll go by quick,
Counting down these hours, it’s making me sick.
I call a family meeting, to tell them the news,
I’m so choked up but it’s too late to refuse,
“There’s something I have to tell you guys”, I start off to say
“I’ve been to the doctors and it seems today is my last day.”
Brother looks confused as he doesn’t understand,
“How can this be? Death is rarely ever planned?”
“I have meningitis, from bacteria caught too late,
End of life plans, I was told to create."
Mother holds me close as she starts to cry,
“Another opinion” she says, “it’s something we have to try!”
“I’ve had multiple consults mom, I have to accept my fate.
If this life were a game, then my time is calling checkmate”
Sister wipes a tear rolling down her face,
Dad comes over, and says “family embrace!”
“We’ll get through this together”, brother starts to say.
“Trust in God,” dad says, “everything will be okay.”
20 hours now, I know the end is near,
I’m trying to be brave, but I’m trembling with fear.
A sunflower stamp seals my notes with wax hot,
I place them on my bed, to be found in the right spot.
I close the door, back I’ll never again look,
Finally ready to enjoy this final chapter of my book.
They say that the present, it is truly a gift,
19 hours left, my attitude has to shift.
“Let’s have a campout, by that park Rouge Hill”
Right by the water, it's the perfect place to chill
I help my family pack up the car, good thing Rouge Hill isn’t that far
With blankets, chairs and wood for a fire,
Can’t forget ma’s cooking, it’s all, I desire.
18 hours and we’re walking along the shore,
Trying to push through, my body is really sore.
I try not to wince, or show that I’m in pain
As I won’t feel much at all, once I’ve been slain.
17 hours the wind is cold and brisk,
I jump in the water, what’s life without some risk.
Submersing my head, I’ve been swallowed whole,
Being under water, nature in control.
Here right now, I’m truly at peace, in the water, it’s the best release.
Only 16 hours left, so I climb out,
The hot blazing fire, it’s easy to scout.
Sister wrapped in a blanket oh so toasty,
“Everything okay?” mom says, I reply, “mostly”
Brother brings over a big deck of cards,
Dad’s playing guitar, you can hear it for yards,
I have the biggest grin spread across my face,
home is with you, for a place is just a place.
How many hours now, 10 plus 5, 15 hours till I’m no longer alive.
I pour us apple cider, for it warms the heart,
Nothing like a hot drink, when life’s falling apart.
Around the fire, songs we do sing,
each and every word, to them I cling.
Our singing gets louder, at the top of our lungs,
energetic passion rolling from our tongues
14 hours, is that really the time? It flying by, that must be a crime
We eat dinner, telling stories all the while,
laughing so hard, making my time worthwhile.
13, 13, it’s getting down to the crunch,
this unspoken tension ain’t just a hunch.
I don’t want to be a damper and spoil the mood,
But let’s be honest, there’s no point being allude.
“Hey everyone, I think we should discuss,
the plan when I die, I don’t want you to fuss”
“I want you to plant, a sunflower seed,
I want you to live as if tomorrow ain’t guaranteed.
Sunflowers are symbols of warmth, light, hope,
That God is with you when it’s difficult to cope.
Treat those around you with utmost respect,
The importance of kindness, don’t ever neglect
This is how, you can remember me, live your life at the fullest degree”
12 more hours, I pull my sister aside.
“The amount that I love you, surpasses love worldwide
I need you to be strong, to not fall apart
For I’ll never leave you, I’ll always be in your heart
You are so special, I hope you never doubt, how beautiful you are, inside and out
Don’t ever feel the need to follow the crowd, for you are enough, trust me, be proud.”
11 more hours, what can I say,
to you my dear brother, I’d be here all day
“I’ll never forget all the adventures we’ve had,
racing our bikes in the forest with dad
All the road trips squished in the back seat,
long choir practice with your piano so sweet
All our discussions of life so profound
When you were 8 and scraped your knee on the ground
How you amaze me each and every day,
you’ll continue to do so when I’m gone away
Wherever I’ll be, I’ll be looking out,
there by your side, your life throughout.”
10 more hours, “who wants a s’more?”
Who can resist a gooey graham galore.
I pass around, marshmallows to roast,
dad gets the coffee, I prepare a toast
“A toast to my life, and to my final day.
A toast to living it, the best possible way.
A toast to you brother and all future success.
A toast to you sister, the world you’ll impress.
A toast to you father, whom I deeply appreciate.
A toast to you mom, this I dedicate,
You brought me into this world, life to me you gave
I hope in your heart, these words you do save.
For I can never repay you for all that you’ve done,
Your unwavering love, from the moment my life begun.
I’ve never met a soul as kind as you.
You inspired me, more than you ever knew.
Please find joy mom, you are so strong,
life’s brought you pain but know you belong,
Belong in this family, belong in our hearts,
you are so beautiful with all perfect parts.
Mom I love you, I wish I could profess,
but no amount of words can measure or express.”
9 more hours, time to talk to my dad.
He starts the conversation, that makes me real glad.
“I remember when you used to fit in my arm
The moment you were born, I tried to protect you from harm
You were so little, look at you now…”
He starts to choke up, furrowing his brow.
“Dad…” I say, “I never said this enough,
but you taught me a lot, being so tough.
You taught me to aim for dreams so high,
you taught me to work hard, myself to apply.
You taught me to appreciate the little things in life,
I wasn’t always easy, forgive me for all past strife.
Your dedication and effort was never ignored,
I know your love, in it, was poured
I need to say this before I bid adieu,
thank you for everything, I love you too.
8 more hours, can I slow down the clock,
all I am hearing is tick tock tick tock.
I think I’ve said all that I needed to say,
I’m feeling so tired, down I want to lay.
On thick blankets spread upon the grass,
I lie with my family, accepting time will pass.
Looking at the stars, shining up above,
I feel blessed to be surrounded by so much love.
7 hours, my breath begins to slow,
trying to stay awake, we hold hands in a row.
“Are you afraid?” says a voice in the dark.
“I’ve been afraid since fate made its mark.
That being said, it does make it better,
being with you”, my eyes are getting wetter.
6 more hours, I take out my will, I had it drawn up in case I got ill
Who knew that I’d need it so soon, but with death, no one’s immune
“You will need this,” I say to mom,
“my body I don’t want you to embalm
Any organs, tissues that are viable,
please donate, I know you’re reliable
They will be much more of use,
if someone’s pain, it can excuse.”
5 hours left till my last respiration,
I look at the sky in pure admiration
The number of stars are impossible to count,
the beauty of life, our minds can’t surmount.
The depth of existence, our egos obscure,
Maybe when we die, the answers we’ll know for sure
This world around us is so very pretty,
I wanted to see more, it’s really such a pity.
4 hours now, my body is shutting down,
gasping for air as if I’m about to drown.
My breathing is laboured, it’s difficult to speak.
I hug my family, though I am weak.
Death is getting closer, I feel it in my bones,
I don’t want to move and let out any groans.
3 hours now, something doesn’t feel right,
3 hours now, my insides are tight.
My organs are giving up one by one,
the elephant on my chest sure weighs a tonne.
I’m trying to be strong but life’s escaping me,
fighting to stay alive is painful misery.
2 hours to go, I think I’m falling asleep,
with heavy eyes I see my family weep.
With all the energy I have left to spare,
I say “I love you. Please don’t despair.”
I’m holding on to life, they are holding on to me,
Tearfully mom says, “It’s okay, go be free.”
I close my eyes and fall asleep,
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep.
This last hour of my inevitable death,
I peacefully release, my last breath.
